Est. MMXXVI · A Humor Publication John Law · Editor

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The Back Cover

PatienceCoach 3000 by Belvaire Home Systems

The PatienceCoach 3000 promises to fix your child's behavior. Fine print: it's watching you. Warranty void if removed from wall and thrown.

By John Law · June 3, 2026
Magazine back-cover ad for PatienceCoach 3000, a beige wall-mounted unit with a numeric display showing 47, cutaway diagram with labeled parts, period-serif headline
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A period full-color farm-catalog advertisement for "Dr. Pettibone's Restorative Beak File," showing a small file with a wooden handle, a farm wife holding a hen, and a clip-out mail coupon.
The Help Desk

I Asked Four AIs to Comfort My Sad Chicken. The Kindest Answer Was a Beak File.

I asked four artificial intelligences to comfort my brother's sad chicken. Three handed me a maintenance schedule. The kindest answer was a beak file.
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A filled-out government form. Every field is correct except Status, where the typed word "Deceased" is crossed out by hand and replaced with "Negotiable."
The Help Desk

The form had him deceased. He crossed it out and marked the matter negotiable.

The government lost me in a filing error and, I have to say, the junk mail situation has improved considerably.
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O-BOG Bureau of Grievances form, filing GH-2024-11C-7, complaint: eleven-dollar coffee, two receipts required as proof; disposition: one receipt issued, matter noted.
Grievances
A single receipt, produced at point of sale, is not a receipt. It is a suggestion.
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