“My desk neighbor takes every call on a very loud speaker phone, including the calls where he says "yep, yep, yep" for four minutes and then hangs up. I have started wearing headphones that are not plugged into anything.”
Validated & mostly ignored
::STAMP:: HEARING CANCELLED
::RESPONSE::
The Office acknowledges that the human voice, amplified by speakerphone and conviction, carries considerably further than either was designed to.
A working group was convened to determine whether the volume might be addressed through a gentle word. The group elected instead to draft a memo concerning how to plug in earphones. The memo is being workshopped via speakerphone.
Your suffering is acknowledged in full. It is real, it is daily, and it is, as you note, frequently about nothing. Regrettably, the regulation of a colleague's relationship with his own volume falls outside this Office's authority and within the Department of Things You Will Simply Have to Live With.
::DETERMINATION::
Escalated to Pending, where it joins 9,338 noise filings, none resolved. A request for a desk partition has been received and filed beside the request for a desk partition. Your unplugged headphones have been noted as an adaptive measure and quietly approved.
::SIGNER::
D. Bell
D. Bell · Reviewing Officer · Bureau of Acknowledged Grievances
::DENY:: quiet
::STUB:: SPEAKERPHONE NOTICE — AMBIENT VOLUME ADVISORY
This has been noticed.
An event attributable to you has been formally logged. This card is provided as a courtesy, in lieu of confrontation, which the Office does not endorse. Please find indicated below the nature of the matter:
[x] Calls conducted at broadcast volume
[x] Recurring, predictable, all-day
[ ] Content of the calls of any substance
[ ] Awareness on the part of the offending party
No reply is required. No reply is wanted. Resume your unplugged headphones.
